Taking Romance Into Your Own Hands
by The Next Marauder
Summary: Sirius is fed up with James moaning about Lily's newest rejection tactic, so he and Remus come up with a plan to get the two togther. Will it work? Oneshot. Rated for Sirius with boobs...


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Lily Evans and Peter Pettigrew. Only one perosn in the world does. An i've just read a book about her.

**Dedication:** This story is dedicated to my friend Scoshe, because she told me that if I dedicated a romance story to her, she'd never speak to me again. Hope ypu're having fun back in Canadia! (Yes, i know it's called Canada...)

* * *

Sirius Black was in a bad mood.

Sirius Black was in a bad mood because James Potter was in a bad mood.

James Potter was in a bad mood because Lily Evans was in a bad mood.

Lily Evans was in a bad mood because James Potter would not LEAVE HER ALONE.

James was lying on his bed moaning about Lily and her latest rejection method, and Sirius was sitting in the corner pulling faces at James's words.

"You know Prongs, maybe you should just go find her and say you're sorry," said Peter from his position on his bed.

"I have to admit James that does sound somewhat like a good idea" Remus yawned.

James sighed. "Ok, I'll go apologise. But I personally I thought I did something romantic."

"Oh yes, getting the suits of armour to sing love ballads when Lily walked past was so romantic," Sirius muttered sarcastically as James ambled out the door.

Sirius sighed. He couldn't take much more of this! If Lily didn't say yes to James, he was personally going to hunt the girl into blackmail. And Black blackmail is bad. Really bad.

"I'm going to help him," Sirius said, out of the blue. He stood up and walked over to his trunk, pulling out a piece of parchment and a quill.

"And how exactly are you going to do that, Padfoot?" asked Remus enquiringly, rasing an eyebrow.

"I'm not quite sure at the moment," he said, sucking on the end of his quill.

"Well I don't know about you Moony, but I'm going to leave Padfoot to think," Peter said, sliding off his bed and walking out the dormitory door. Remus marked his place in his book and followed him.

So now Sirius was alone to think, and so he formulated a list.

_Sirius Black's Matchmaking Options List_

_Because, of course, I am so going to get Lily and James together. I mean, come on, I'm so amazing that I can do anything. I'm amazing because…_

_1. I'm dashingly handsome_

_2. I'm incredibly smart_

_3. Everybody loves me (well, except maybe Snape, and perhaps that centaur from the forbidden forest. Must remember to apologise to that centaur…)_

_4. I'm just incredibly likeable_

_5. I'm an awesome flyer_

A few weeks later Remus found this list and scrawled the following note:

_Padfoot, somehow I don't think that listing reasons why you are so amazing is going to help Prongs with his relationship problems. _

_- Moony_

So Sirius decided to create a new list.

_Sirius Black's Matchmaking Options List (Take two)_

_1. Blackmail (Perhaps a little forceful)_

_2. Imperius curse (Hello Azkaban...)_

_3. Blackmail._

_4. Romantic picnic (Phht, as if…)_

_5. Blackmail…._

_Padfoot, you listed blackmail three times._

_- Moony_

_Moony, this is my list. You're not meant to write on it. You already wrote on the last one and I had to start another one!_

_- Padfoot_

_You started another one because the last one was all about you!_

_- Moony_

_Point taken. Which option do you like best? I personally like blackmail…_

_- Padfoot_

_I can see that._

_- Moony_

_Hey guys, what's going on?_

_- Prongs_

_GASP!_

_- Padfoot_

"Padfoot, why did you just write 'gasp' on the parchment instead of actually gasping?"

"Elementary my dear Watson."

"I'm not Watson, I'm James."

"I knew that! And I wrote gasp because… err…"

Remus decided to take advantage of the situation and he grabbed the parchment from Sirius's hands and promptly vanished it.

"Moony! What did you do that for!" asked Sirius, becoming dramatic.

"Because I have a better plan," Remus sighed.

"Plan? What plan? What's the list about?"

"Umm… Hey Prongs, I think I hear Lily calling you!" covered Remus

James grinned and scurried out the door.

Remus sighed and sat down on his bed, Sirius sitting next to him. "So what's your plan?" he asked, bouncing like a four-year-old.

"I must warn you, it's breaking about fifty school rules, and…"

"SO!" Sirius jumped up. "I can't take it anymore! Not only is Lily Flower torturing Prongs, she's torturing me! I'll do anything!"

"Anything?"

"Anything!"

"Anything at all?"

"Yes! Anything!"

"Like… anything?"

"Err… yes…"

"Good. Lock the door."

"Err, Moony, while I do like you, I don't LIKE YOU."

Remus sighed. "Pick your immature butt up and go lock the door, I want to show you something."

Sirius smirked and locked the door, then walked over to where Remus was dragging something out from under his bed.

"Moony is that…?"

"Yes."

"You made…"

"Yes."

"You actually made…?"

"Yes."

"You mean you actually-"

"I get the point! And yes, I have got a cauldron of polyjuice potion under my bed."

"Wow…" Sirius breathed. "So, what's the plan?"

Remus grinned in an evil, most unlike Remus way. "One of us will turn into Lily, the other will turn into James. We have to convince Lily that James isn't bad, and we have to convince Prongs that Lily will come around if he stops pranking Slytherins."

"Wow, that's ingenious. When can we start?"

"As soon as we get hairs from both of them. Err, do you have any idea how we can do that?"

"Simple," Sirius replied springing up. He walked over to James's bed and plucked a hair off the pillow. "Essence of James," he stated. He then walked around to the end of James's bed and rifled through his trunk. He emerged with a triumphant look on his face, holding a brilliant red hair strand between his thumb and forefinger.

"Do I even want to know why Prongs has Lily's hair?" asked Remus.

"No. No you do not."

Deciding not to waist any time Remus scooped up two glasses of polyjuice potion and handed one to Sirius.

"I'll take James's hair," he said, holding out his hand.

"How come you get Prongs's hair? Why do I have to be the girl?" Sirius whinged.

"Because if you were going to turn into James, I wouldn't put it past you to hit on Lily. Plus, you're James's best friend, and you'll know what to say."

"Plus you're the most sensible person ever," Sirius added, handing him the raven coloured hair.

"Wait a sec," Remus said. "You need a blouse and a skirt."

"I need what now?" Sirius managed to choke out.

"Well Lily won't be wearing trousers now will she?"

Sirius sighed. "I'll be back."

---

"You have no idea how far I went to get these," Sirius said, standing in front of the mirror looking at himself. Remus stifled a snort as he haded Sirius the glass.

"Bottoms up!" shouted Sirius and gulped at the mixture.

"Let's not have bottoms up," Remus muttered, reliving the conversation they had a few minutes ago. He swallowed the potion and gagged.

Both watched as their skin started to bubble and change shape. Sirius looked down at his chest in amazement as he began to grow breasts. He stared into the mirror at himself, or more correctly at his new set of 'boobs'.

He jumped up and down on the spot, admiring their reaction. Remus put a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he said. "Now let's go, we have one hour.

"Yes Prongs. I mean, Moony. This is too weird," Sirius muttered, following Remus down the stairs.

Luckily the common room was empty, as they would have found it hard trying to explain what Lily and James had been doing upstairs, alone in the boy's dormitory… with the door locked…

Remus pulled out the Marauders Map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he muttered and the ink started to show through. He studied the map for a moment and then turned to Sirius, who was bouncing on the spot again, staring down at his 'boobs'.

"Padfoot stop it! Do you seriously think that Lily would be doing that?" Remus asked. Sirius just smirked.

"Now, James is on the quiddich pitch, and Lily is in the library. I'll meet you in the room of requirement in an hour, ok?"

"Sir yes sir!" Sirius said, saluting Remus.

"Good luck," Remus muttered as they clambered out of the portrait hole and went their separate ways, Sirius altering his walk so he bounced more…

---

Remus looked at Lily through the bookcase as she completed a potions essay. She sighed and shoved her parchment back into her bag and pulled out another book.

Remus stepped out from behind the bookshelf and plopped himself down in the chair across from Lily. Her brow furrowed and she pretended not to notice him. Suddenly she slammed her book down. "Potter, what do you want?"

"I just wanted to tell you how pretty you looked today."

She seemed stunned for a second, and then regained her composure. "Nice, now what do you really want?"

It was Remus's turn to be stunned. Then he remembered. Of course Lily would think he had an ulterior motive – James usually did. "I don't want anything else. Just to tell you that you look pretty today."

Lily raised an eyebrow and stared at him for a while, her green eyes piercing Remus's at-the-moment hazel ones. "Ok," she said, and went back to her book.

Remus gazed at her, and she pretended not to notice. It didn't work.

"Are you sure that's all you wanted?" she asked. "Because you don't seem to be going anywhere."

Remus decided to get straight to the point. He remembered his speal that he had been going through and repeated it.

"Lily, I know you know this already, but I like you. And somehow, when I look at it, life doesn't seem to be complete without the aspect of you in it. And I know you think I'm a big-headed git that has nothing better to do than to hex Slytherins, but I'm trying. And if you'll just give me a chance, I think that you'll be surprised to know that I have changed, and that I really mean it. Please, just give me a chance, because I know you have enough grace in you to do that for me."

Lily gazed at him for what could have been a moment, or maybe even a matter of minutes. "Ok. I'll give you a chance James," she said.

Remus smiled. "I have to go now. See you around Lily."

And without a backwards glance he strode out of the library, hoping that Sirius had had the same result as he had.

---

Sirius bounced along the grounds, hoping that his 'boobs' wouldn't fly up and smack him in the face. It wasn't impossible, since they had already shown that they could defy gravity…

He spotted James sitting in the stands staring up at the sky, and went up to join him. On his way up he rehearsed a little speech in his head, now trying to ignore his flying cleavage. He walked over to James and sat down next to him.

"Evans?" asked James, looking at Sirius with bewilderment plastered over his face.

"Hi James," Sirius said, trying hard not to look down.

"What are you doing here?" James ventured.

"Oh that's nice."

"Sorry. It's just, you usually avoid me at all costs," he muttered, staring back up at the sky.

"Well… I've changed my mind," Sirius began. "I've decided… I've decided to give you a chance."

Silence ensued.

James slowly turned to look back at Sirius and blinked. "Are you kidding?" he asked.

Sirius sighed. "No. I'm going to give you a chance."

James stared at him for a while, and Sirius fought the urge to fidget… and look down…

"I have to go now, but I'll see you around James," Sirius said with a smile.

He got up and headed back to the castle, leaving a bewildered boy behind him.

---

Sirius opened the door to the Room of Requirement to find James, or rather Remus, sitting on the floor reading a book.

"How'd it go?" Remus asked, not looking up from his book.

"Pretty good I'd say," he said bouncing over to a bean bag.

Suddenly his skin started to bubble again and he turned back to himself. Somewhat relieved that he didn't have boobs anymore, he decided to turn his attention to his attire.

"Umm, Moony? Don't you think it'll be weird if I walked around Hogwarts dressed as a girl?" he asked, looking at Remus who had now too turned back to his normal self.

Remus smiled and chucked something at him, which turned out to be his school uniform.

---

The two sat in armchairs next to the fire, watching as James slowly approached Lily who was sitting in her chair reading a book. And they both smiled as the two began a civilised conversation.

After a while though their grins faded, as they discovered that watching two people talk for over an hour was rather boring. So they went to bed with a sense of accomplishment and identical evil grins.

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**A/N:** God, aren't they evil? I had a lot of fun writing this story, as much fun as you'll have reviewing it! Hint hint )


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